Aaah....Sunday Morning

0830. Just some random stuff:

On TV to DVD:

www.tvshowsondvd.com is a website that makes no money from the web surfer. I think they get money for their links to online media retailers like Amazon. Anyway, you make a dream list of shows you'd like to see produced on DVD, and they email you when that show is announced as in production for DVD release. I am pleased to announce that Magnum will be released this year. The bonus material will contain the two Magnum/Simon and Simon crossover episodes. Weeee! Now I can sit back and wait for the production dummies in Hollywood to see the light and put Police Squad! out on DVD....

On night life:

As I get older, I find that the simpler social outings get, the more I enjoy them. Where once I found it to be the ultimate to go through all the logistics, time, and cash to do a big night on the town; Dinner, waiting for straggling friends, intermediate stop off place, waiting for straggling friends, nightclub or watering hole and still waiting for those straggling friends, now, a really good dinner in a friendly place with one person who is great company sitting across from you is all this kid needs...

On Southern Cal:

On any non-national-title-contention year, the Men of Troy and all of their USC fans would have vilified Mike Williams for his departure to the pro draft and never would have spoken a word of support for his attempt to return to the University and gain eligibility to play football again. This is a class organization for one of the toughest schools in the world, academically. You never hear about recruiting scandals there. It's like the Marine Corps. They don't have to go out and actively recruit. The talent comes to them, because of their reputation. So at the start of a college football season where SC is in prime contention for the national championship, when all I hear from commentators, school athletics officials, and alumni is how the NCAA is the great Satan for not allowing this Mercenary to return to amateur status, I feel disgust. Why don't you move to Florida, SC? With all the other great professional college football programs?

On the LTL freight transportation system:

LTL is like an aircraft charter. You pay to have a specific amount of cargo transported directly to a specific location. You do not have a contract with the freight company other than previously negotiated and set freight tariffs and freight handling charges when you DO use this company. There are dozens and dozens of freight companies that do this: Central, Saia, ConWay, USF, ABF, WKST, Yellow, etc. Now, these companies pick freight up from a myriad of locations, take them to any one of hundreds of freight terminals, sort all the shipments according to destination, load them onto empty trailers and roll them to their destinations. The farther away the destination is, the more terminals this freight will hit to be sorted. There is the problem. The more these shipments are moved around, by trained apes and felons by my guess, the more risk there is to damage to the shipment. So when a customer emails me with digital pictures of a shipment of TCFE, UHMW, and Acetal Copolymer worth tens of thousands of dollars and personally quality control inspected by me, and those pictures show the shipment in individual pieces strewn about a 57 foot semi trailer with half of it missing completely, am I wrong to threaten to kneecap the freight company's account representative?

Olympic Notes

The United States Shows it's Ass: Story at Eleven

The U.S. Men were beaten soundly by Italy in preliminary rounds for Volleyball by Italy, Silver Medalists in Australia four years ago. Here is the Black Eye: When the U.S. team shook hands with the Italians between the net, they held the Italians' hands fast and talked trash to them, obvious without sound that they were inciting a fight. So much so that the Italian coach came to the American side of the net to break them up. Now that's sportsmanship....


The U.S. Men lost to, of all teams, Puerto Rico, in basketball by a tremendous 19 points. I didn't see this match, but in the wrap up commentators said the match was never even a contest. This doesn't pain me at all, as the U.S. team brought Alan Iverson to the fold. May they drop out completely in the preliminaries...

All is not lost.

Athens 2004

I've been watching the Games the past two days. The coverage of the Olympics is primo material for an uber-rant, but that will come later. I watched Michael Phelps' performance in the 400m IM last night and knew he won the event while breaking the world record, but it wasn't until this Sunday morning that I watched the rebroadcast of the awards ceremony for his event.

Pure Class, and Awareness for Anthem Etiquette

As Phelps was standing on the Gold Medal Podium, with a bouquet in left hand and a wreath of olive branches on his head, the announcer stated that the U.S. National Anthem would be played. Phelps turned to the second place finisher, another American, for a brief conference. On the first note of the National Anthem, both Americans removed their wreaths, and placed them over their hearts for the customary display of respect for the Anthem.

This guy is only eighteen years old. He knows enough about Flag and Anthem etiquette to do the right thing on a world stage during a time where the exhilaration of victory could cause him to forget the little things. My faith is restored.

An Anecdote and a Song

The Anecdote

This always slays me.

On one of his deployments to Thailand, Stodgy set up shop at the Carousel Bar in Bankok. On an eventful night, a working lady confronted a German Tourist Patron on an "unpayed debt". He eventually became violent with her and Stodgy and a fellow Marine ejected, rather roughly, the patron, to the thanks of the working girls, bar staff and Thai police waiting outside, as he was a rather beefy guy. From that point on, Stodgy was the darling of all the working girls. He never got out his baht gun and purchased the physical pleasures of the establishment, but they regarded him as their favorite G.I. for the duration of the deployment. On one evening, the working lady from said incident, nudged Stodgy, giggling, and said to him "See dat G.I.? He say I have very pretty smile!" (More giggling.) Stodgy replied "So? I don't get it." "He say I have very pretty smile!" (More giggling.) "I still don't get it." "You don't understand. He say I have very pretty smile!" At this point she pushed her upper dentures out and exposed them for Stodgy.

The Song

This one is for Stodgy and Linus:

Barkeep, Another Mekong please.
Yes of course, you can keep the change.
A new glass here for this new friend of mine, Forgive me, I forgot your name.
Flip a coin, What shall we talk about?
Heads I tell the truth, Tails I lie.
I came all the way From Taipai today.
Now Bangkok's pouring rain and I'm going blind again And I ain't seen my girl in fifteen thousand miles.
Is it true It's always happy hour here?
If it is I'd like to stay a while, And as cliche as it sounds I'd like to raise another round And if your bottle's empty Help yourself to mine.
Thank you for your time. And here's to life.

Barkeep, We need to go around again.
One for me and what's his name, My new best friend.
Deal me in, And I'll pick my cards up off the floor.
I'll see my lucky coin, And raise a pack of lies.
Smile to the girl at the door, Another 4 dollar whore, But don't look her in the eyes, She'll break your heart.
We came all the way From Taipai today.
Now Bangkok's pissin' rain and we're going blind again And I ain't seen my girl in fifteen thousand miles.
Is it true It's always happy hour here?
If it is I'd like to stay a while, And as cliche as it sounds, I'd like to raise another round And if your bottle's empty Help yourself to mine.
Thank you for your time, And here's to life.
Is it true It's always happy hour here?
If it is I'd like to stay a while And as cliche as it sounds I'd like to raise another round And if your bottle's empty Help yourself to mine.
Thank you for your time, And here's to life

A Classic

A G.I. on deployment story revisited

I have received this anecdote several times over the years and to this day it just slays me. I nearly fall out laughing every single time I read it. On it's most recent circulation it was sent to me by Ms. Abbey, who doesn't send stuff out often, but when it goes out, it is killer. This is timeless, and I would venture to guess that it has been around since both War and Photographs have co-existed. It was even a plot line on an episode of M*A*S*H.

The Bit

A Marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him. AND, she wanted pictures of herself back.

The Marine did what any squared-away Marine would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find. He then mailed about 25 pictures of women (with clothes and without) to his girlfriend with the following note:
"I don't remember which one you are. Please remove your picture and send the rest back."

Araah.

Some times you just have to say "What the %^$# ?"

Pumping Gasoline

Ever been pumping gas and actually look at that fine print on the label over the nozzle?

"This dispenser nozzle equipped with a vapor recovery system. Do not top off your gas tank."

Wow, for the environment, this pump has a "vapor recovery system" in the nozzle. Excellent. Now how about installing a "Gallon of gasoline dribbling out onto my paint and shoes as I replace the nozzle on the pump Recovery System"? That would be swell....

As the World Turns, It Clamors for Clime's Input

Holy Crap!

I just watched the trailer for "Batman Begins". Christian Bale is playing the lead role. Right on. The thing that makes Batman, in both print and film is a set of dark, crazy eyes under that hood. Who else has darker and crazier eyes than the American Psycho himself...

Any Clime And Place: Skinhead.

One of my closest friends and coworkers has fallen ill. He is undergoing treatment that has caused his hair to start falling out. I told him that he needs to just get rid of it all for the duration. He wavered. I told him that if he did it, we all would. As LBG noted, if you look like you are sick, people will treat you like you are sick, and you will start feeling like you are sick. Soooo, I held up my end of the bargain. Snip, Snap, and I had no hair. Last time this was done was February 14, 1993 at MCRD San Diego. Man, it is drafty in here.

I went into work today, sans quaff. There was no one important in the building today, and we, because of a disaster in some material meeting specifications from one of our suppliers, had to do a lot of hands on work to get it the hell back to the manufacturer for a credit, and then hit them with a lawsuit(Yep, Pop. We do it too.), as this material affected a military contract. This meant moving stuff around, and, if you have stuff in a plant for longer than a microsecond, it collects dust. We all were going to get dirty. I chose this day to wear a black T-shirt, denim, and steel toe boots. I forgot that this ensemble, coupled with a bald head, screamed Aryan Brotherhood.

Well. We have several regular route drivers from UPS and some of the larger freight transportation companies that pop in every day. I have a good relationship with them, as if I didn't, they'd treat my guys like crap and not make any concessions to allow us to meet our transportation goals when a curveball comes our way. Three or four of these guys happen to be black. Man, were they all taken aback by my appearance. One of the Freight Company drivers actually stepped in towards me nose to nose, and said "You some kind of fuckin' skinhead?" Enter all sorts of verbal Judo on my part. I had to tell the sick friend story to all four guys, including this one, which brought some respect for me for the length that I would go to help someone out. I was still tap dancing on the carpet for it with these guys, though. I mean, sheesh. I am a professional in defense and engineering industry now. Sure, I'll just wear a white hood tomorrow....

On a positive note, the look is getting some positive reviews. I am kind of a mean looking guy. One of my employees once, when asked by someone if I ever looked happy, replied "Sure, you can tell he's happy when he looks LESS pissed". Today I was told that, sans quaff, I looked downright scary. My work is done....

Anyone have a shot of Wild Turkey and a Quaalude I can borrow?

They Fuck You at the Drive-Through.

I know that immigrants, legal or not, are here to stay, and they need gainful employment almost immediately upon arrival. The first avenue towards consistent income is as a day laborer. The second and more frequent avenue is the Minimum Wage Job. Employee at a fast food restaurant is one of the more sought after ones, from what I gather, as I haven't dealt with a drive-through employee yet with a European Surname. I know you have to work to eat, and you have to eat the day you get here, but I still get pissed off when someone in a service industry operation can't communicate with me in English.

Adelicia on the other side of this damned speaker box: Jess, can I hhhelp you?

Me: I'd like a Big n Tasty combo with no tomatoes and a Dr. Pepper.

Adelicia: Ju wan esstra Mayo?

Me: No. I want a Big n Tasty with no tomatoes.

Adelicia: Beeg n Tasty weeth esstra Mayo. Ju wan anything else?

Me: NO, DAMN YOUR EYES....QUISIERA UN BIGNTASTY SIN LOS TOMATES!!! WITH A DR. PEPPER!

Adelicia: Ohhhh. OK. Ju wan fries?

Me: (sobbing) I ordered the freaking combo....All I want is a combo...I don't care what combo it is right now....Please....Just fill a bag with something, dump a drink in my lap, and take all my money.....

The condiment Nazis work at the drive-through.

In a simpler, gentler time, when you ordered a meal at the drive through they gave you things. Like ketchup, salt and pepper, napkins, a fork sometimes, and even a mint (Sonic, my life for yooooou!). You know. Little things a person could want or use with their meal. Then, through the Nineties, when corporate Darwinism really went into overdrive, Someone figured out, actually put hard numbers on paper, I bet, that if you ask each customer if they need any extras, they will tell you exactly what they need and the company saves hundreds of thousands of dollars, probably even millions, on all the condiments and extras that used to be given away but not used. This makes sense. This...Is good. This....Is not what is happening anymore. Now, after the turn of the Century, and after even more Corporate Darwinism, Nine times out of ten...No, make that five times out of five, as I had to roll through a drive through for lunch every single time last week, the condiment Nazis at the drive through hand you your order in a bag without even so much as a straw for your soda. You have to expressly tell them everything that you need. I just know assholes in Brooks Brothers suits on all these corporate campuses had a meeting on this. "Condiments and Extras: The Final Solution". This is five different days, five different drive-throughs, five different acts of sodomy by jack-booted minions in muted colored polo shirts, cloth visors and headsets. And, yes. Each and every time I slapped my forehead and screamed "Doh" after getting more than twenty five meters away from the restaurant, for not asking for the extras while I was at the window...

As I had a really long, complicated, and involved week, keeping me from my journal, Yes. Oh, Yes. I am just getting started...

I, however, need to see a man about a horse. I'll see you in a few...