In a Perfect World....
If I had Bruce-Almighty-like Power
If I were master of my universe, instead of a jackass commentor of it, two things would occur:
My Daily Routine:
On arising, preparing for, and travelling to work, I would have, just like the Starbucks commercial, the band Survivor play a running rendition of "Eye of the Tiger" specifically taylored to me.
As my day progresses, I would have my own soundtrack. NFL Films tracks. Every time I would complete a stack of Count Corrections, send off a packet of Purchase Orders and Bills of Lading to Accounts Receiveable, or sign off on a multitude of material receivings for keying into inventory, the Raiders Theme would start playing.
On My End of Days:
After giving up the ghost, if and when (They are going to burn my carcass and spread me out in one of the penalty areas on the soccer field of Betzenberg Stadion in Kaiserslautern, Germany. No planting of this kid. No way.) a euligy is given, it will be read by John Facenda, the voice of NFL Films. That guy could make Jeffrey Dahmer's life sound like a triumph.
Correction:
Did I say only two things? I meant three. Upon coming home every day, Catharine Bell/Diane Farr/Chiaki Kuryama/Jamie Luner/Eliza Dushku/Famke Janssen/Keira Knightley would be waiting to serve me a perfectly grilled 8oz filet, blanched asparagus, new potatos and a tossed salad.
Did that sound totally chauvanistic and politically incorrect? I meant she would be waiting all dressed up to go out to dinner to a place that served a perfectly grilled 8oz filet, blanched asparagus, new potatos and a tossed salad. And she would pick up the check....
If I were master of my universe, instead of a jackass commentor of it, two things would occur:
My Daily Routine:
On arising, preparing for, and travelling to work, I would have, just like the Starbucks commercial, the band Survivor play a running rendition of "Eye of the Tiger" specifically taylored to me.
As my day progresses, I would have my own soundtrack. NFL Films tracks. Every time I would complete a stack of Count Corrections, send off a packet of Purchase Orders and Bills of Lading to Accounts Receiveable, or sign off on a multitude of material receivings for keying into inventory, the Raiders Theme would start playing.
On My End of Days:
After giving up the ghost, if and when (They are going to burn my carcass and spread me out in one of the penalty areas on the soccer field of Betzenberg Stadion in Kaiserslautern, Germany. No planting of this kid. No way.) a euligy is given, it will be read by John Facenda, the voice of NFL Films. That guy could make Jeffrey Dahmer's life sound like a triumph.
Correction:
Did I say only two things? I meant three. Upon coming home every day, Catharine Bell/Diane Farr/Chiaki Kuryama/Jamie Luner/Eliza Dushku/Famke Janssen/Keira Knightley would be waiting to serve me a perfectly grilled 8oz filet, blanched asparagus, new potatos and a tossed salad.
Did that sound totally chauvanistic and politically incorrect? I meant she would be waiting all dressed up to go out to dinner to a place that served a perfectly grilled 8oz filet, blanched asparagus, new potatos and a tossed salad. And she would pick up the check....
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