The Oscars, live from... Hooters?!

Today is a scheduled cessure of operations for administrative purposes. Too bad I remembered this AFTER my morning shower and fang brushing...

....So Sunday evening brought us to Hooters and the laughter ensued miles from the destination...

Clime: You missed the turn. We are going to Hooters, right?
LBG: Shit. Yeah.
(picking up earlier conversation)
Clime: ...So it sounds to me like Stace is a really consciencious parent. That's good.
LBG: Yep. She's an excellent mother.
Clime: The whole swearing thing proves it.
LBG: She's so picky about that that Russ gets upset when he hears swear words.
Clime: That's good. I was twenty four the first time that I sweared in front of...
LBG: (laughing) What?
Clime: When I sweared in front...
LBG: (uncontrolled laughter) Sweared?!
Clime: Holy crap! Swore! SWORE!
LBG: That's maybe the only time I ever heard you misspeak...
LBG: (uncontrolled laughter)
LBG: (uncontrolled laughter)
LBG: (uncontrolled laughter)

So, we hit Hooters. Appetites in tow. Contrary to popular belief, the food is the reason we go, granted, every three months or so. Sundays are nine dollar crab nights. This is dangerous to the company, as LBG, Stodgy, and I can crack a pound of crablegs in less than five minutes. Barehanded; no cracker. This was our intent.

Pretty young thing: You guys ready to order?
Clime: yes ma'am.
LBG: I'd like a pound of crablegs, and an order of chicken strips, hot.
Pretty young thing: And you?
Clime: A pound of crablegs, an order of wings, done Bentley style, and an order of fries. Oh, and a side of Bleu Cheese...

So we are cracking crab legs like the world-class crableg cracking athletes that we are(and just call us on it, I dare you. We'll bury you, in crableg shells.) when I notice two of the regular gals in evening gowns working the tables. It is Oscar night.

OscarPromoGirl: Hey! Do you guys want a printed list of all the Oscar nominees?
Clime and LBG: ~Blank stare~
OscarPromoGirl: Um, I guess you guys aren't interested... see ya!
LBG: You got it!

Oscar Girl was a trainee, once, and we were one of her first tables, so no offence was either given or taken.

It was a good thing that all that food came before Chris Rock's monologue, otherwise I would have lost my appetite. LBG agreed with me that in that one event, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has been lowered to the gutter. Further proof was a video bit featuring Chris Rock, that could have been done well, as a biting commentary and a jokingly jabbing piece on a facet of black culture was reduced to a video piece celebrating the ghetto culture.

I'm Black.
I'm Poor.
I'm Proud of it.

One of the closest colleages of mine is a man from Ghana, West Africa. He came here after making a brave try at the English Soccer Association. His knees were already too damaged, so no entry into the Premier League and to the States he came. His take was "man, thats bad. very bad."

Red Friday

I did this on accident, but will wear red every Friday. I guess this campaign ties into the "Red State" election thing. I like to think it's more partisan than just a "Red Blooded American" thing...

I would think it would make more sense to wear RED, White and Blue, but who am I
to change what someone else has started, but I do care enough to keep this
message going at least. bye


Subject: FW: Wear Red on Fridays...]


The Americans who support our troops, are the silent majority. We are not "organized" to reflect who we are, or to reflect what our opinions are. We would
like to start a grassroots movement using the membership of the Special Operations Association, and Special Forces Associations, and all their friends, simply, to recognize that Americans support our troops. We need to inform the local VFW's and merican Legion, our local press, local TV, and continue carrying the message to the national levels as we start to get this going Our idea of showing our solidarity and! support for our troops is - starting Friday, and continuing on each and every Friday, until this is over, that every red - blooded American who supports our young men and women, WEAR SOMETHING RED.

Word of mouth, press, TV -- let's see if we can make the United States, on any given Friday, a sea of red much like a home football game at a University. If every one of our memberships share this with other acquaintances, fellow workers, friends, and neighbors, I guarantee that it will not belong before the USA will be covered in RED - and make our troops know there are many people thinking of their well-being. Let's get the word out and lead by example; wear RED on Fridays. I sent this out to everyone on my email list; hopefully, you will too. Please forward this to everyone you know!!

This Just in:

Joey Lauren Adams rules. More on this evening's broadcast...

Gift of the year...

You Sure, Man?

Years and Years ago, when I moved back to Texas from California, LBG, my friend from college and a might before, (See: Satan's Sisters pg. 409 Ch.17 Para. 4) renewed our friendship within days of me settling in. Rest is history.

Shortly after I moved back, I took LBG out to the range. He had a Blast. Did well, too. No bad shooting habits to break because he was a clean slate. A 'Natural'. I was more excited about him doing that well and enjoying the experience than my own natural pleasure of range time.

A bit later, I picked up a Beretta 92FS in a variant closest to the USMC M9 at a gun show in Richardson. I gave this to LBG for Christmas.

He accepted the gift with excitement. He got accessories for it (LBG get accessories for a big item? Go figure). But the pistol was kept in the closet for the duration. Till now.

You see, Stodgy, that freak stuck in a bunker somewhere near fallujah, Iraq, is reduced to wearing a WWII era shoulder holster for his sidearm. I quickly rectified the situation by purchasing two Israeli shoulder holster rigs; one for him and one for a buddy's bro in law. As it turns out, the buddy couldn't send the second rig to his In Law, so I was stuck with it. I couldn't give it away.

How about you, LBG? Nah, the thing just sits in the closet as it is.
How about your Fiance'? Nah, I don't think she would accept so extravigant a gift.
How about one of your Marines, Stodgy?
Nah, they all got here before me and got all their own stuff.

I was seriously contemplating putting the thing into a box and sending it to an address on AnySoldier.com, a care package company.

Then I got the Holsters. I'm unpacking them and putting them together when LBG comes into the room and hands me a lockbox. The Beretta.

It's yours, man.
You sure?
Yeah, take it. It's not going to the new house.
You Sure?
Yep.
Wow.

Firearms were never LBG's gig, I guess. I am not judgemental and respect both his tastes and principles. It was a matter of both. LBG can be proud to boast a line from Quigley: Down Under, however:

No, Sir. I never said that.
I said I never had much use for one.
I never said I didn't know how to use one.

Long story short, I got one hell of a gift, today.

Raider Nation

Those who know me, know of the bitter, bitter blow dealt to the Oakland Raiders by the Bucs in the SuperBowl a few years ago. That in front of a room of people who were not Raider fans. And I cooked for the SuperBowl party, dammit. Bitter.

Things are looking up.

Looks like Randy Moss is coming to Oaktown, and Charles Woodson has just been tagged as a 'Franchise Player'. I may just watch Pro Football again.

Go Raiders.

Stodgy: In Theater.

Ok, Ok. Still figuring out how to put more than one photo up on a single post. Here follow the first photos sent back by Stodgy .

Emails from him have been interesting to say the least. For a firsthand account of a Marine Chief Warrant Officer deployed as a casualty replacement, click the link above.

Fuel fire. 

Rocket attack 100m from HQ, Direct hit on fuel farm. 

Stodgy with some Napalm. It sticks to kids... 

Photos from the Sandbox 

Incoming, Danger-Close

Operations against Rhamadi started yesterday. Looks like the partisans stepped up to the plate, too...

Stodgy sent:

Here are a couple shots from the hit we took yesterday. They got real lucky and put the rockets right into the fuel farm. The fuel farm sits about a hundred meters from 311's Head Shed and Division offices. The fire burned for about three hours. Have not heard of any casualties yet. Two of my ordies had pulled up in the HMMWV just as the rockets impacted. They had just gotten done fueling the vehicle. The Ordies now do a evolution of rock, paper, scissors to decide who gets to fuel the vehicles...

I'll try to somehow put the pics up...

Future Ex-wife...

This is for you, Stodgy, your hottie, Mieke, from Eurotrip. She's actually the vocalist for Novaspace, a techno-type act with Europe-wide fanbase. Jessica Boehrs:

Biografie
Name: Jessica Böhrs
Geburtsjahr: 05.03.1980
Sprachen: Englisch, Französisch, Hochdeutsch
Größe: 170cm
Haarfarbe: blond
Augenfarbe: blau
Sport: Yoga, T´ai Chi, Squash, Tennis, Reiten
Instrumente: Klavier, Schlagzeug, Gitarre
Stimmlage: Alt, Sopran




Bereits mit 13 Jahren begann Jessica, als Schauspielerin zu arbeiten. Heute kann sie auf beachtenswerte Rollen in TV-Serien und Fernsehfilmen zurückblicken. Um nur einige Projekte zu nennen:


ARD/BR Spielfilm "Die Kreuzfahrt"
ZDF "SOKO 5113"
RTL Spielfilm "Unschuldige Biester"
RTL "Julia-Kämpfe für Deine Träume"
SAT1 "Der Bulle von Tölz"
SAT1 "Die Rote Meile"
SAT1 "So ist das Leben- Die Wagenfelds"
Pro 7 "Die Viersteins"
Kurzfilm: "Achterbahn der Gefühle"
1996 startete Jessie als "JessVaness" ins Musikgeschäft und war als Vorgruppe für "Caught in the Act" und "Tic Tac Toe" unterwegs. JessVaness war nicht mit durchschlagendem Erfolg gekrönt. In der Folgezeit arbeitete Jessie viel als Studiosängerin, sang unter anderem die Chorus Lines für "Laura" und lernte schliesslich den Stuttgarter Produzenten Felix Gauder kennen.

So beschlossen die beiden in einer langen Studionacht, sich neuen musikalischen Frei-Raum zu schaffen - und NOVASPACE war geboren.

Useful information, useless rambling...

Chipotle: Satan's bistro.

Did you know that a Chipotle Burrito with either meat has 1100 calories? That's half of a normal person's daily caloric intake. Wow. Guess I have my entire caloric intake covered when I get one along with an order of four chicken tacos. And now, on top of the food, on top of the fact that it is across the street from the house, they have to go and actually hire a hot chick to take your order. Now I'm stuck eating there once a day...

Dude!

The funniest day by far at work. Expansion and remodeling of the building. Clime's ceiling is the sky.

Noted: an electrician-type working on an old, old, phone panel widely believed to be no longer in use.
Noted: the cable harness holding all those little phone wires hanging loosely away from the panel.
Noted: said electrician type scratching his head.
Noted: J, one of my peers, coming into the room a microsecond later, screaming "Dude! Did you just cut the phone lines?!!!"

I'm already starting to chuckle at the dillema. No comm, no data transfer. Dead in the water for the rest of the day. All the guys think the incident was a riot, watching everyone going poplectic over it. Hehehehe Then the big boss comes out. This is golden.

JT: What freaking moron told you to cut all the phone lines?!
Electrician: Um, I think you did...
JT: WHAT?!
Electrician: Yeah, you did. You said to tear the panel down and clear out all the lines because it was obsolete and no longer in use, when we did our planning walk-through.
JT: Oh.
Electrician: Guess it's obsolete and no longer in use, now.
JT: Shaddap.

Yep, work was a snicker-fest...

Update:

Because this is, after all, history, and numbnuts neither has the time, or the foresight to log it into journal entries, I will. This, for some people, will turn into a totally dull journal, as it contains correspondence that means absolutely nothing to them. For others, it will be a real-time finger on the pulse of a Chief Warrant Officer, USMC, serving in Iraq as a casualty replacement. To quote Rene' Belloq: "This IS History!"...

I appreciate it. Yeah, I told Mom before I left that I would save a lot of money on hair products out here alone! hehehehe You should have seen me the first time I got a haircut from one of the hajjis. That cover thingie over my upper body and fastened around the neck. What he didn't see was me unstrapping my weapon and taking it off safe... hehehehehe
No shit war is hell! The only time there is hot water, or water pressure for that matter, is at 0230. Of course, that's when I get up in the morning so that works out. Chow sucks. Very little veggies. And I'm trying to lose weight over here! I look a little pudgy in the pic. But, with absolutely no beer over here and me running 4 a day, should be good to go by the time I get back. I'm being felicitous, of course, cause there are folks over here that don't have any of the perks we have. But we all take fire so it evens out.
I appreciate you hooking a brother up with the rig and headphones. The headphones I will never be able to get over here. The rig, priority one. I am buying a transformer over here so that negates the need for an adapter on the PC plug. Ya'll are the best. For the most part, existence here sucks. But it sucks great! Stay black my Nubian brother!

Eric
-----Original Message-----[Schoberg CWO2 Eric R]
From: Alan [mailto:upper_ninety@sbcglobal.net]
Sent: Tuesday, February 15, 2005 10:53 PM
To: Schoberg CWO2 Eric R
Subject: pics


Nice to see you wearing my haircut. What? No hairgel? War is hell, boy. That's a fact. Now there was this dusky gal in Bankok, real crossway breezer, I swear...

My boss, an oldtimer Jarhead, upon learing about you deploying, asked me "Oh, what would you give to be over there, now?" Answer? "My life."

Fobus rig will arrive before the headphones and DVD's. Priorities... Just don't ever have to use it...

The Barrel into the Slide, The Barrel Retention Block over the Barrel. Slide onto the Lower Receiver. Clean.

Match Day.

After a week of openly emailed trash talk, Linus and I have settled down to openly respectful privately emailed arrangements. I have replaced the hollowpoint anti-personnel rounds in the secondary magazines with FMJ Ball Rounds.

He opted for an outdoor range used for training by Collin County, State, and Federal Law Enforcement Agencies out in the Boonies. It so happens that it is ten minutes away from the folk's place, but this will be a private affair. An audience can lend itself to nervousness, insult, or embarrassment by EITHER party, and that just isn't professional. He was intrigued with the opportunity, as it is an outdoor range with looser range rules, to learn some of the combat drills I could teach him to employ.

That brings me great joy, as the one thing I live for is going into that environment as an instructor, not a competitor.

Ready on the right? Ready. Ready on the left? Ready. Centerline ready? Ready. The line is ready. Shooters, at this time the range is hot. Engage your target when it appears...

update

Don't go out and kill yourselves. I got him covered. DVD's are open season, but I think he'll be covered, as I'll sink the better part of the month's takedown into enterainment...

Hey, Bro,

I've got my Notebook here so I have a DVD player. What I don't have
are a set of headphones. I busted mine in my seabag on the way over here
and the exchange has been completely out. I need an adapter for the power
cord, too, but I should be able to get that from the Hajji-mart. The
notebook has a built in 110-220 converter so I don't need that. I don't
think there is a VHS player around here but, oh, what I would give for a
copy of that game on DVD!! Awesome! Fact is, though, that I will seldom
watch anything in the evenings. I am awake back at the cans for a total of
an hour and thirty minutes total. I guess eventually I will stay up a
little later but right now, 0220 is fucking early and I hate being all
tired.
How's things with you? Work still the same? How about the moving
prospects? Any headway on that? Are you going to get a place in
Richardson? That seems like the best plan, especially if you can find a
place for about $700 or less. Anything more for a 1 bedroom is ridiculous
unless you are in S.D.
Well, back to work I go. Take it sleazy brother. I'm not asking for
the headphones, but if they show up, I'd be elated. If you do get a pair,
don't make them expensive. If I get a pair at the exchange, I'll let you
know. Any DVDs will be cool, too. That'll force me into being a little
more entertainment oriented in the evenings! Laters.

Eric

CWO Eric Schoberg
Ordnance Officer
VMA-311 "Tomcats"

Sometimes, Heroes don't fire bullets...

Gail Halvorsen, Col. USAF (Ret.)

I've never seen Berlin without the wall, though I vividly remember it with it...

My Sundays are covered.

Capt. Dale Dye USMC (ret.) Sundays 5-7 Pacific (L.A. California). You'll recognize him from Platoon, Saving Private Ryan, Band of Brothers, etc.

Die Tasche. Die verdammte Tasche.

Yep. Tonight's DVD selection: Lola Rennt. U.S. working title: Run Lola, Run. Buy it. Keep it.

You might recognize the heroine, Franka Potente. She's Damon's love interest in The Bourne Identity.

Out of retirement.

Scho is called out.

I once had the great opportunity to attend the LAPD H.I.T.S. course. There I met some of the greatest people in the world. LAPD officers, metro division. They even came down to Camp Pendleton later to throw a party titled an "unfamiliar weapons seminar" It's all about how it goes down in the accounting books...

Anyway, I took the H.I.T.S. knowledge back to the Marines and taught it to as many west coast Marine Corps Law Enforcement as could attend in the time I remained in the Corps. Handgun Combat 101, learned in the finest school in the world, LAPD officer academy, through Scho, the Marine Corps proxy.

This was a blast. I met EVERYONE in the west coast law enforcement community. They would TAD down to CampPen for the week of training and we would rub elbows, trade stories, and generally network. The most memorable experience was a pair of Santa Ana Police officers who were also Navy reservists. They got the Navy to fund their trip down to my course. These guys were the shit. They brought down their 'entry weapons' for us to try out. We carried and used the H & K MP-5, but they had a version of the CAR-15, or what the US armed forces now call the M-4, a compact M-16, chambered for the 9mm pistol round. An entry weapon much more familiar in the fact that all in Uncle Sam's Gun club are one with the M-16.

So this past week I've been in a running Email battle of barbs and ultimately a pistol range challenge by Linus. He actually threw out a 'Broadside of a barn' reference to my pistol marksmanship. Oh, yeah. It's personal. It ran into a monetary wager, and it looks like it is on.

This year has been shitty. This month has been shitty. This weekend has been shitty. This little field trip is just the kind of thing that I live for, cancelling out the entire year. Picture Martin Riggs and Roger Murtaugh on the range together in the first film. Yeah, it's going to be like that.

It's the only thing I was ever really good at.

Just gotta smile....

Yep, 99.3 percent of the United States may not care, but the U.S. Mens National Soccer squad won their opener in the final round of World Cup Qualifying, this week.

Ole', ole' ole' ole', ole', ole'....

Oy! That wanker's got a frog football shirt on! Let's give him a fucking good kicking! Come on, lads! It's goin' off!!!

Fight on.

As far as I can gather, VMA-311's C.O., Col. Woltman is a USC alumn. A marriage made in heaven. You are a cake-eating SOB, Stodgy. You joined a squadron led by a Trojan... No duty for you...

Wow....

Step 1: click link

Step 2: Scroll down to the Anheuser Busch section, Left column, second section down.

Step 3: Click on Anheuser Busch "Thanking the troops."

Step 4: Get choked the fuck up.

Step 5: Repeat.

Not-so-great moments in common sense

Shooting Threat

In one of my mandatory nights in retail hell, we had a man call customer service and threaten to shoot a customer service rep he had dealings with when the rep walked out into the parking lot.

Of course, Plano P.D. was called, they responded and patrolled the property for the rest of the evening, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah blah blah.

Loss Prevention had the bright idea not to let the employees walk out to their cars at the end of the evening unless they went out In Groups.

IN GROUPS?!!!

Shooter: Hey, he's surrounded by a pack of employees.
Shooter: Hey, odds are I'll at least hit someone, and they all piss me off.

What ever happened to keeping an interval outside a kill radius?

Morons...

Oh, and for the record, after telling several employees about this plan, Linus was the only one who started laughing, making the logical, and cynical connection first...

Things are looking up...

Okay. I'm a semi-egghead at work, while the guys get to do the fun stuff. I print really neat and type emails and forms using real english (and you just wouldn't believe the fractured, unorganized, misspelled crap I get back, well, maybe you would, LBG.)

JT: Hey, you didn't fill out the tolerance forms on these! These are legal documents!
Clime: Get the hell outta here! Wha?!
JT: Oh, never mind. It looks like the typing on the form...
Clime: That's what I thought....

Sooo...when I see a shower of sparks from a grinder working down the bolts that held machinery in place as it's moved to the new building, I'm talking fireworks caliber, here, an honest to goodness welder being employed, just like Vinnie on American Chopper, stuff being moved around with noisy forklifts, scissor-lifts running conduits, and all sorts of guy-stuff going on, I just have one thing to ask.

Hey, need any help?

My sidekick on the Fab-ship floor made the comment "Say, It kinda feels good to work this stuff, huh?" Of course it was with a sarcastic tone. "Are you kidding me? I love it!" "We'll make a real guy out of you yet..." "HEY! I can already sing the words to your honky-tonk guys on the radio!" "Then you've taken your first step towards the dark side.."

Imagine a Corsicana, TX bred guy known only as "The Cowboy", whom I have never seen the top of his head for the hat he wears, being a Sci-Fi channel junkie and sucking me into the world of power tools...

The Force is with you, Padiwan Learner, now move the fence down to 18" and 3/8ths...

A funny thing happened at the end of the week...

We are going hot and heavy. Everyone is going balls to the wall because next week we are shut down. Down hard. Outside contractors will dismantle and move all of my machinery into the new building next week.

So with everyone running around, and in high spirits too, mind you, I was as well. A lot of work is going into this and given our primary customer, the DoD, everyone is primed to get back at it as soon as possible.

Soo, on our last week it is a circus, people literally running around and me too.

Let me put a visual in your head first. Do you remember the Tom & Jerry cartoons? Not the Hanna/Barberra ones, but the original Warner Bros. ones? Remember Tom running around the house after Jerry and hitting a patch of water/oil/anythingslippery and just pumping those legs while going nowhere until he just got plastered by the floor?

So I am running back to what used to be my office to grab my phone, through what used to be the cafeteria. A quick couple of dogleg turns. I'm in the middle of the first turn and realize that all the carpet and tile are pulled up. Hey! It's a bare concrete slab. No. It's not bare. It has tile glue slathered all over it. I do my Tom & Jerry impression, legs pumping like crazy, in front of the tile-layers, who have just prepped the room, till I go down, and go down hard.

The tile-layers are beside themselves. My first visual of them was an explosion of amusement as I went down, turned to an 'Oh, -F---' kind of stare as they realized that my reporting this little fiasco could put them in hock.

Of course my first concern, beside the pain, was that I just effed up these poor guy's job. So after slipping and sliding back to the threshold to dry ground, I grabbed a trowel and started repairing the damage I did with my Christie Yamaguchi impression. They were more amazed at this than the fall itself..

Garryowen

Happiness is John Ford's "Rio Grande". John Wayne, a young and gorgeous Maureen O'Hara, Ben Johnson, and Victor McGlaglen starring in glorious black and white.

Prepare to mount! Mount!

Stodgy: In Theater.

Hey, everyone,

Got to the area on Monday and am here in Al Asad now after a few days
wait in Kuwait. I'll email everyone individually this evening, but wanted
everyone to know my email is working. The catch...my email address will
change on Wednesday. As soon as that happens, I'll send out the new
address. Take care all and I miss everyone.

Eric

That thing behind the sight rail is called the charging handle. That push-button thing extending from the right of the upper-receiver is the forward-assist. Know it, use it. Keep it in the ready.

A conversation heard:

Yeah, I turned into that guy and put one of those ribbons on the back of the car.

You're such a sheep.

Hey, I had to do it.

I choose to support our troops in my own way.

Really? How's that?

By hating arabs.